Nusbickering

Things C said to me when I was lying in her bed and she was supposed to be napping: Are you want a book? [gets 60 books] Please put my sock on mommy. You have a booger. [No I don't, sweetie] It’s light outside. It’s morning! Time to get up! Please put my udder sock on mommy. Are you poop in my room? [No] Maybe it was daddy. [Nobody pooped in your room, honey). Are you please open the door? I need my boots. I put my skirt on Are you please get my elephant night light? [silence] I’ll get a chair Here’s a monkey for you Are you please open the door? I need to get YOUR boots This is your eye [touches my eye] Raise your hand if you like bananas! Love you pieces

Barney is broken. So is Caillou. So is Caillou's Holiday Movie. Deweys Pizza doesn't have lemonade on the menu. They didn't have apple juice at Trader Joe's. The pool is closed. They didn't have apple juice at Target. Trader Joe's is out of juice samples. Yes. It’s possible that Mom has a cousin who is half human, half animal, and just forgot. There’s no vegetables in carrot ginger soup. Santa does not send the Elf on the Shelf to houses until the oldest child turns 5. They didn't have apple juice at Walgreens. There's no vegetables in that smoothie. Just apple juice. And lemonade. We know there are no monsters because Easy is quiet. Remember how loud Easy barked at the mail carrier? Just think how loud she would bark at a monster.  If you get a booboo on your big toe and your toenail falls off, if you put it under your pillow, the toenail fairy will come and bring you a surprise.

While waiting to board the plane, rub the dress of the woman standing next to you. This is the only way to know what the dress feels like. Within 90 seconds of getting on the plane, begin saying: " I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!" Wait for the only crabby flight attendant ever to be employed by Southwest Airlines to walk by. Stand up in your seat. Smile until the crabby flight attendant reprimands Mom for her inability to restrain you. After Mom asks you to sit on your bottom 14 times, turn around and say to the people sitting behind you: "I don't want to sit on my bottom." Stand up and yell: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF" while the flight attendant is giving instructions, and loud enough so the passengers hear you (not her). Wait until the fasten seat belt sign is on. Demand electronics. When Mom gives you a Playaway and your sister a DVD player, ask to trade. When Mom facilitates the trade, sob. Loudly clarify that you want

Monday  Morning: A To Do List By: Gennie and Carrie 1. Spend 30 minutes screaming at mom to go in the kitchen when she is, in fact, in the kitchen 2. When mom picks you up, jump down and scream that she's not holding you right. 3. Repeat step 2 twenty times 4. Pee on mom 5. Squeeze a pear-spinach pouch all over mom's work outfit 6. Yell at mom as if she is somehow responsible for 5. 7. Toothpaste in hair 8. Yell that your sock isn't on right 9. Yell that your sock isn't on right 10. Yell that your sock isn't on right 11. Demand fruit snacks 12. Yell that your sock isn't on right 13. Attempt to get dressed yourself 14. When mom tries to help you after your 5th attempt at putting your diaper on (backwards), start over 15. At preschool, refuse to go in classroom. 16. Big hug.